Sometimes in a marriage or relationship, one person may want to have a baby while the other partner is not ready. Make time to talk and calmly share your feelings and thoughts with your partner. Please find out your partner’s reasons for not being ready and calmly discuss his or her point of view. It could be related to the partner’s biological clock, and he or she could be worried because of health implications or age-related fertility. Your partner might also have prior experience with parenting and knows the strains that having a child causes on a relationship, hence worrying that you are romanticizing what it will be like.
Communication and understanding are very important. Be as honest and open as possible about your concerns. Reach an agreement by listening to one another. Some reasons for spouses’ biological clocks not being in sync could include a spouse being too old to have children, not being ready yet, being too young to start a family and settle down, a change of mind, already having kids or not being financially ready to have children. When a couple has come to a conclusion that they want a family in the future, they need to be careful when talking about the timing. Below are tips for such couples:
The pathway to having children in every relationship should be a collaborative process. Talk about family planning using a lax and judgment-free tone. Hold a conversation to discuss it without criticizing or reacting negatively to each other’s perspectives and views. Put everything out and be honest in order to be clear on all the concerns. If this conversation cannot be had without arguing, it is advisable to see a therapist.
Consider the Other Person’s Biological Clock
If you are not yet ready to have a baby, whether first or additional, but you eventually want to, it is crucial to consider that your partner could have genetic or medical reasons to want to get started. If it is an issue to do with age or fertility, consult your doctor on the pros and cons that come with waiting. It would help if you also considered egg freezing as an option to ensure security when you are ready in the future. Ensure that your relationship is in the right place before deciding to start a family.
Ensure You Are Having Children for the Right Reason
It would be best if you did not rush into having a child in order to strengthen the relationship or seal the deal. Even if one spouse’s biological clock is running, you should never have a child out of desperation. It is unfair to the unready partner, and it could lead to resentment, which could be directed to the baby.
Do Not Feel Guilty for Your Choice
You may not be ready to have a baby for various reasons: maybe you want to be financially prepared for a baby or are going through a big move or a career change or perhaps you’ve learned about the cost of raising a baby. Whatever reasons you might have, they are worthy and should be respected by your spouse. Be gentle with yourself to avoid letting guilt be your sole motivator to have a child.
Look for Compromise
You should agree to delay parenthood until the unready partner has worked through all his or her concerns. Setting a reasonable timeline might be reassuring when the decision should be made while still keeping the conversation ongoing.
These talks may be stressful and weighty, but if you put your partner’s wellbeing first, the talks don’t have to feel so tough. Your relationship with your partner will be the foundation of your family. Therefore, it is vital to understand the future wellbeing and happiness of your children will depend on how strong your partnership is. Couples that get children when both partners are completely ready have better outcomes as parents and in their marriages. Children from such marriages also seem to thrive better.