Romance while trying to conceive (TTC) can be a challenge for couples battling infertility. There are things they can do to improve this situation.
Infertility can be a huge problem within a relationship. Its effects can be damaging to a couple’s physical as well as mental health. Dealing with the disappointment, needles, tests, and hormones can be overwhelming. The frustration associated with putting so much effort into having a family, only to fail and have to try again, can be difficult to accept. This can turn having sex into being focused solely on having a baby. It is still possible to have romance during TTC, however. Couples need to change some behaviors and their view of what is happening between them.
Couples need to remember what initially connected them. They need to try and get back to that way of thinking. It’s possible they spent time cooking together when they first got together, and it was a surprise they were both proficient at it. Couples need to think about what they did to enjoy one another before they started focusing on having a family. Then, they need to reconnect with that feeling.
An honest compliment is considered very sexy. Couples need to freely give compliments and receive them with appreciation. Some couples have had success with rubbing each other’s shoulders, and some leave love notes for each other. Some couples just plan date to have fun. Maintaining a romantic spark should be a priority.
Before couples started the journey toward parenthood, they didn’t constantly talk or stress about babies. Conversations were probably about crazy relatives, things going on at work, vacation plans, and more. Couples need to find topics of conversation that do not involve babies. They need to return to a time when infertility didn’t have such a prominent role in their life.
When couples schedule sex for a specific time and location, they will have a feeling of just doing what must be done. Changing locations could improve the mood. It could be an unoccupied guest room, a room used to store things or even a closet. They can then save the bedroom as the place to go when they’re feeling romantic and want to simply enjoy the experience. This is a way couples can avoid being controlled by the fertility process.
Romance During TTC
A couple looking for romance during TTC may want to consider going on a couple’s retreat. They could also spend a weekend at a destination both feel is romantic. Sex can be eliminated from the equation if they feel they’re not ready for it. This could be a time for a couple to hold hands, cuddle, or massage each other. Ovulation kits, fertility books, note pads, injections, thermometers and medications can be removed from their life for a short time. It will take off the pressure. Couples can remember how to be sexual with one another and not think about getting pregnant.
If a couple continues to struggle with infertility no matter what they have tried, it may be time to consider seeing a therapist. Some couples don’t like the idea of having another person involved in their sex life after dealing with doctors and other medical professionals. Some therapists specialize in couples therapy and infertility. A couple can get help in dealing with the despair and isolation associated with infertility and the effects of infertility on their relationship.
Too many times couples wait to address their issues with sex until they have resolved their infertility issues. It is common for couples to believe that they can work on making their sex life better only after they conceive and have finished having children. A couple’s sex life will be different during infertility. Romance doesn’t have to be nonexistent or sex unsatisfying. Couples start to relax when they can separate sex from conception.
A couple needs to let go of their expectations. There is no perfect number of times they should have sex before they conceive. Couples also need to resist the temptation to compare their sex life to how it was before they started trying to get pregnant. They need to open themselves up to connect in new ways as their relationship grows and changes.
Dealing with infertility can be very traumatic for a couple. It may be the biggest crisis they will face together during their relationship. How they treat one another during such a crisis can help their relationship. A secure bond between two people facing infertility together could make their emotional and sexual connection even stronger.